August 6, 2011
March Forth!
My childhood was a fairytale.
I say this because, as in fairytales, there were monsters, villains, injustice, and bad things happened after sundown.
It was ugly. Frog-in-a-blender ugly.
Recently, I shared with someone close to me a memory that had been bobbing up from the depths. Their one-word response: “Repulsive.”
My story, however, is not unique. So many of us are survivors of some sort. We trudged through it and we came out on the other side; a little bruised, a little scarred, but we made it.
Some of us haven’t made it out yet. Stuck in the woods of our past, afraid to move forward, afraid that the clearing on the other side is no more than a mirage, a false oasis where no comfort is to be found, only pain.
My birthday is March 4. When I was little, my birth date became a totem for me. It became a way of life.
I was watching tv one day with my stuffed lion, Liony. (Yes, I named him myself). There was an old war movie on. The screen was filled with images of soldiers. Suddenly a cry went out “March forth!”, and onward went the soldiers, to complete the mission ahead of them.
Now, I don’t know how the same brain that came up with the name “Liony” was able to make a connection between March 4 and “march forth”, but it did. That scene from an old black and white movie gave me direction. I felt like it was a message especially for me. When bad things happened, I marched forth. Liony and I were little soldiers. We didn’t do anything heroic, Liony wasn’t a great strategist by any means, mostly he just looked at me with his shiny button eyes. But, we marched forth together.
In school, I learned that on March 4, 1933, Franklin Delano Roosevelt gave his inaugural speech, in which he said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself…” I thought again, that there may be a message in there for me, although the words were spoken 39 years before my birth.
Years later, I continued marching forth. Out of an addiction, out of an abusive marriage, out of a lengthy divorce. I came out on the other side, a little rough, a little scarred, but I was out.
Recently, I’ve been struggling with my relatively newfound faith. I questioned my salvation, my worth, my usefulness. Do I belong with this body of believers?
The answer is a resounding yes. Yes I do belong. Yes I am saved. Yes I can do anything through Christ. My faith returned, and with it, the understanding that where faith resides, fear cannot.
Fear Aint In This Heart. F.A.I.T.H.
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
If you have survived, but not come out of the woods of your past, if you are still paralyzed by fear, if you are afraid, I invite you to share my birthday with me and March Forth!
When you cannot walk alone, God will carry you- if you let Him.
bubbasaur said,
February 1, 2012 at 10:41 pm
This is such a thought provoking and beautiful message! I think because of your experiences, you have become a strong person who has come to know God and has realized the potential of that silent power that fuels you….you are empathetic to others who may not know their full potential yet and I love how you invite them to “March Forth” with you…..when life beats us down, it’s a wonderful thing to look up and see a shining, smiling face with outstretched arms…..